The Road Not Taken
by Nicole Berman
Summary: Speculation on Mac's past.


1200 hours   
Mac's Apartment   
Georgetown 

The car squeaked to a stop in front of Mac's apartment. Striding casually, the woman in the tank top and shorts made her way up the steps to the door. She knocked abruptly. 

Mac called, "One minute!", her voice muffled by the closed door. She finally opened the door with a genial smile. "What are *you* doing here?" she asked, her smile fading. 

"I came to see you, Sarah," the woman said softly. 

"Fine. You've seen me. Now leave," Mac said harshly, shutting the door. 

The woman's foot slipped between the door and the doorjamb. "Wait, please?" 

Mac sighed mentally. "What do you *want*?" she asked through clenched teeth. "I was just about to eat lunch." 

"I'll come back later," the woman whispered, turning to go. 

"No," Mac said simply. "Let's get this over with." She let the door swing open as she headed into the kitchen. Mac took her little cup o' soup out of the microwave and let it cool on the countertop. She started straightening the kitchen, avoiding the woman in her living room. She picked up the brillo and stared at it for a long minute, finally dropping it into the garbage. Mac headed back into the living room with a mental sigh. 

"So, what brought you here?" she asked quietly, not really wanting to know, just wanting to be done with it. 

"I needed to see you, Sarah. It's been too long," the woman said, staring at Mac. 

Mac started to squirm internally under the woman's intense gaze. How well she remembered *those* eyes. Mac gestured towards the Marine Corps hymn in a frame on her wall. "I'm a Marine now, you know. I can't deal with this." 

"You don't have to deal with anything, Sarah." Her voice was low and sympathetic. "I just came to see you, no one else has to know." 

"No one else can *ever* know," Mac spat, turning her back. "Ever," she emphasized. 

"No one will." There was a hint of sadness in her tone. 

"Good." Mac eventually turned back to face the woman. "Come on, Chris, spit it out. I want the truth. Why are you really here?" she prodded. 

Chris shook her head slowly. "You can't handle the truth," she said under her breath. "I came to see *you*, Sarah. I was in DC on business, and I John gave me your address." 

*Mental note: Tuesday: kill John Farrow.* "So?" 

"So, I missed you. It's been almost twenty years since..." 

"Don't!" Mac snapped, dropping her head into her hands. "Don't make me relive this, Chris. I can't - no, I won't," she murmured. 

"I was going to say, 'since we spoke', Sarah. Calm down," Chris said, leaning back into the couch. She brushed a lock of blonde hair out of her face. "I sort of hoped you'd be happy to see me." 

At the pain in Chris' voice, Mac was immediately sorry. "I am, Chris," she said, looking up briefly. "I'm just...it was so long ago. And it scared the shit out of me," she admitted. Mac decided to make the best of the situation and she changed the topic quickly. "So what have you been doing since high school?" 

"Well, after my parents moved to Boston, I finished school up there. I decided on a polysci major, so they sent to me George Washington University," Chris explained slowly. "Got my degree, decided it wasn't what I wanted to do, so I got a job working for the Navy, down in Norfolk, as a civilian." 

Mac was surprised, to say the least. "You? The eternal hippie, worked for the Navy?" she chuckled despite herself. 

"Yup," Chris grinned. "And then I saved some money, moved to California and went to acting school at Berkeley. Now, I'm working in New York for a law firm, part-time, and auditioning for movies the rest of the time. How about you? What've you done since we last talked?" 

"Well, for starters, I got sober," Mac smiled. 

"Yeah, me too. It just wasn't as much fun as it seemed in high school, was it?" 

"Nope. And then..." Mac remembered her marriage to Chris Ragle, and decided it was a conversation best left buried. "Well, I dried out about nineteen, and by my twentieth birthday, I was in boot camp." 

"Wow. And you've been a Marine ever since. What do you do for the Corps?" Chris asked, looking around for any sign. 

"I'm a JAG lawyer," Mac said proudly. "Going on six years." 

"Very nice," Chris nodded, impressed. "Sounds like we're both doing what we love." 

"Yeah." Mac was a little more relaxed, but still not calm. "Chris, why now? Why couldn't you just let me be?" she asked quietly, peering into Chris's deep green eyes for explanation. 

"I couldn't, Sarah." Chris leaned her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her hands. She sighed softly, with a nostalgic smile. "Haven't you thought about me at all in twenty years?" 

*Only every other memory,* Mac thought, but couldn't say it. She simply nodded "yes". 

"Do you remember," Chris chuckled, "that day we spent at the zoo, right before you left?" 

Mac nodded with a smile. "Yeah, you kept trying to get me to jump in the monkey cage. I kept telling you I wasn't drunk enough." She stopped smiling, hating the memories of those days spent in a drunken haze. 

"And then that monkey threw dirt at you!" Chris giggled. "I thought I was going to die laughing." 

"It wasn't so funny when you're the one picking grass outta your hair," Mac chuckled. 

Chris smiled happily. "I'm really glad I came today. Would you happen to be free for dinner tonight, Sarah?" 

Mac shook her head, a frown creasing her forehead. "I'm sorry, Chris. It was good seeing you, but I just can't. I don't think it's a good idea, for either of us. Everything we had was in the past, and we're different people now." 

Chris nodded and stood, picking up her purse. "I understand," she said softly, her eyes watering. "I just had to see you once more." 

Mac nodded, mirroring Chris. "I understand, too. Thank you," she said, opening the door. 

Chris walked over and stood in the doorway, one foot in the hall. She turned slowly and stepped closer to Mac. 

Mac shivered slightly, but forced a smile. "Bye," she whispered. 

"Bye," Chris said. Before Mac could move, Chris leaned in and pressed her lips against Mac's. 

Mac's eyes closed involuntarily, and she sighed softly. "Chris," she whispered. 

Chris pulled away, finding herself captured by Mac's big brown eyes. "Just like I remembered, Sarah. Goodbye." She turned and disappeared down the hall. 

THE END 

*Author's notes: When Elizabeth threw me this challenge, I had no idea how it would turn out. But, as it happened, I found a way to combine it with the idea I had for a pre-"People vs. Gunny" speculation piece exploring Mac's *very* liberal attitude towards homosexuality (especially for a Marine). I'm not saying Mac's a lesbian, far from it. I'm saying that to explain her acceptance and tolerance of gays, you can assume one of two things:   
a) Someone Mac was very close to is gay (and since we know practically all her family and friends, I doubted it), or   
b) Mac had an experience in high school or her teenage years which opened her mind, however unwillingly, to the fact that love comes in all shapes and sizes. 

I figured it was probably B, and I sat down to try to figure Mac out, not an easy task. I tried to keep everything as low-key as possible, as I realize this is not a very liberal area of fanfic, and I didn't want to offend anyone. I hope I've accomplished my task.


End file.
